smartypants

So I confessed to James the other night that I feel bad that my Book of Mormon understanding is pretty elementary... I know the stories but when it comes down to reading it and transforming the words into something that will turn the lightbulb on in my head, that lightbulb is a no-show.
But that is exactly where having a smarty husband comes in handy! He read with me today and was there to answer my questions when I needed him. Surprising enough I didn't need to ask him much!! I actually found myself getting caught up in the words and turning the lightbulb on! It was empowering!
We read Jacob Chapters 1 and 2. The best thing I took from it is that the Lord knows and feels our pain and concerns. He does not want to see us hurt in any way. He really is a protective, loving older brother.
I love that.

I like to play a game at the end of the day called high/low. You just have to say the high of your day and the low.
High: Picnic and walk in the park with James and Mei and scripture reading
Low: I saw a spider in the bath tub and had no choice but to kill it in the defense of my family! R.I.P. Spide.

10:30 on a Friday night, eh?

Here I am. Friday night, sporting some pajamas and kicking back on my forever unmade king sized bed. Florence + the Machine is playing the music I wish I had the capacity in my lungs to sing. The girl has got some chops. Is that the right expression for someone who can sing well?? Welp, I guess it is now! But seriously, the music is (excuse my french) damned beautiful. Don't really know how else to put it.
James is sprawled on the couch doing last minute homework and baby girl is finally sleeping after a long, long day of growing at warp-speed! I just did the dishes and somehow more just kept showing up until I finally decided in the constant battle between dishes and Amara; dishes were victorious for tonight. Ugh.
That's just the way it is sometimes. I was becoming a fairly organized person before getting pregnant. it seems the lesson I am always learning is that I can't control everything completely. Yes, that has become the theme of my life. It's good, though- I look at it as prep for raising a teen aged girl in a few years :)
When all is said and done I am one happy mama. We may live in an area where there are questionable things going on and our meth head neighbor may have named herself after a fruit but hey- there's a roof over our head and food in our tummies!
How did I get to rambling? What I really got on here to write is that I have made a few simple goals to improve myself.

1. Pick my clothes up off the floor
2. Be able to exercise for more than 5 minutes without feeling like I my lungs are going to collapse.
3. Remember what the rest of my goals are

HA! I'll put pictures up of our new place soon :)

I can't believe my baby girl is already 7 weeks. The moment she was born was a moment that will remain clearly and perfectly in my mind forever. It was a moment that was so monumentous and changed my entire existence. I will keep it filed with some of my favorite memories- when I first laid eyes on James, the look in his eyes when we were binded together forever and when I saw the "positive" sign on the pregnancy test slowly illuminate.

I can't lie, though. The days and weeks that followed Mei's birth were some of the longest and most difficult I have ever experienced. When the adrenaline of child birth wore off a few days after, I found myself suddenly slapped with a pretty bad case of the post partum blues. I was exhausted and overwhelmed with the reality of it all. James and I were made responsible for a sweet defenseless little being. I didn't want to eat and I could have slept for weeks on end, but I wouldn't. I had to man up and face the music that she needed me- needed me to be the mother every girl deserves to have.

The last couple of weeks have slowly but surely been improving. Once I put my selfishness aside everything seemed so clear. I love when we lock eyes and I know that she loves me and knows that I am trying to be the best mother to her. I would and WILL do everything possible to protect her from harm! There is something so special I see in those eyes. She has such a spark already. 

My baby girl... you can count on me and Dad to do anything for you.